Six years ago today, I did one of the smartest things I’ve ever done… I married Dean.
I didn’t know at the time he was the love of my life (I just knew I wanted to be with him) but after ten glorious years together, it’s starting to look like he just might be.
We married on the five-year plan. No “’til death do us part” in our self-composed vows. I needed enough commitment to feel secure but not so much I’d feel trapped. I have issues.
And that’s the wonderful thing about Dean (actually, one of many). He loves ALL of me. Somehow he manages to embrace the whole, complicated mess, something it took me much longer than ten years to do for myself. I only hope I’m as generous with him as he is with me.
We re-up’d last year for another five. Smart, again.
In honor of Dean, our choice, and this day, I’m revisiting the vows I made. Only he can say if I’ve lived up to my promises. For my part, I’m happy to say these sentiments are as true and meaningful to me today as they were six years ago.
Dearest Dean, you are for me… And I, my Beloved, am for you.
“My Darling Dean,
In love and with a joyful heart, I offer all of me to all of you — to live, laugh, discover and rejoice; to work, comfort, love and create; to enjoy, share, grow, and become; to play and to be together.
I offer my arms, always a haven, that your feelings and fears, your dreams and your truth, be safe.
I offer my eyes, witness and mirror, that I may see you truly and reflect back what I have seen.
I offer my heart, that I may receive you with compassion and shower you with love.
I offer my wisdom, that you may have counsel and that I may know when to seek it myself.
I offer my courage, that I may tell myself and you the truth, that I may ask for what I need, that I may make space for all that is you.
I offer my support, that you may become who and what you truly want to be.
I offer my vulnerability, that we may not be separated by defensiveness, that we may strengthen our trust through practice.
I offer my humility, that I shall always be moved by the purity of your love.
I pledge to invest my love and my time in the wellness of our relationship and not to take anything we have for granted.
I pledge to honor or differences by respecting your ways and not expecting you to be me. I pledge to seek bridges when we are divided by opinion, experience or culture.
I pledge to care for and maintain my physical and mental well-being. I pledge to continue to deepen my understanding of me, that I may be empowered to recognize my part in what happens between us.
I pledge to acknowledge and appreciate you.
I pledge my willingness to come back, again and again, to the heart of who we are, to stay in “it,” whatever “it” is, and should we falter, I pledge to employ every resource I can find to restore balance and harmony between us, and to remain, in good faith, until we are well or until all resources are exhausted. I pledge my flexibility and my trust.
I pledge to communicate honestly, openly and with love, as early as need be.
I pledge to nurture our passion, nourish your playfullness with my own, and love you will all my heart.
I am before you partner, companion, lover, friend and, if you will have me, I’ll call you now husband and my Beloved.”